“For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10)

I have a confession to make: for years I’ve been a secret Pelagian.

If you haven’t studied Church history or don’t know much about the early Christian heresies, Pelagius was a 5th century monk who denied the doctrine of original sin and the need for God’s grace to live a holy life.  Basically, he believed that we can get to Heaven without God’s help.  This is known as Pelgianism.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem.  Well, I admit that even though I often talk a good game about surrender, there’s still a deep part of me that isn’t surrendered.  There’s that part of me that wants to fix myself.  There’s that part of me that’s too proud to admit that I need God’s help to live a virtuous life.  I want to control my life.

Yet, when I take a reflective step back, I must admit that this desire to fix myself and to control my life has led to great frustration and even sadness at times.  Why else would I peruse the self-help section every time I’m in Barnes and Noble, or why else would I spend time reading personal development blogs if I didn’t want to fix myself?

Now, I admit that I have benefitted from many “self-help” books and personal development blogs; however, the subtlety behind this pursuit of self-help is that I’m in control, that I can fix myself.

But the truth is I can’t fix myself; and you can’t fix yourself either.  Yes, we are good; but we are broken.  None of us is perfect; each of us experiences the effects of original sin.  I’m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility for our lives; what I’m saying is that there’s a reason why we call Jesus “Savior.”

How often people say to me, “Father, every time I go to confession I sound like a broken record.  I feel like I confess the same sins over and over.”  Well, join the human race.  I’m a broken record too.

When we try to fix ourselves we render the word “Savior” meaningless.  Jesus Christ is our Savior.  He came to save us from the sins that we struggle with every day.  He came to save us from ourselves.

I’m coming to see more clearly that each time I attempt to fix myself or to control my life, I empty the cross of its power (see 1 Corinthians 1:17).  When I realize I can’t fix myself, that there are some things that are just too big for me to overcome on my own power, that’s when I realize the power of the cross and God’s grace.

I realize that this is contrary to the do-it-yourself mentality that is so prevalent in our culture.  But, if you haven’t noticed, our culture is pretty broken as well.

I need a Savior.  It’s so liberating to say that.  I need a Savior.  I need Jesus.  I can’t fix myself…and it’s okay.  That’s why Jesus died for me.  I just need to learn to be still, to surrender, and to let Him love me, so that I can experience the power of His cross.

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