“So you’ve failed?  You–be convinced of it–can never fail.  You haven’t failed; you’ve acquired experience.  Forward!” — St. Josemaria Escriva

It’s a horrible feeling. You’ve just had a big fall:
• You abandoned your Lenten resolution.
• You lashed out in anger at your spouse.
• You became apoplectic as you sat in a traffic jam, dropping f-bombs like there’s no tomorrow.
• You committed what you consider to be a serious sin against your state in life.
• You fell off the wagon.

You’ve failed. You feel defeated. And now that voice in your head is telling you that you’re no good, that you’ll never be good, that as hard as you try you will never change those bad habits and sins that have plagued you for what seems like your whole life.

And what has just happened is that you’ve played into the devil’s hands: You’ve become more deeply immersed in yourself; you’re naval-gazing; and you’ve completely forgotten that there’s a reason why you call Jesus Christ your SAVIOR.

From what does He save us? Precisely from ourselves!

The temptation for so many of us after we fail is to wallow in shame and despair. But is this what God wants?

Have you ever asked yourself what Jesus does after you sin? What is the disposition of His Heart towards you? What is He thinking? Do you really believe that Jesus is saying, “Well…Jane just flipped out on her husband. She’s so pathetic. I’ve tried to help her but she just doesn’t get it. I’m just going to give up on her. She’s pushed me beyond my limit.”

Here’s the truth: the only thing Jesus does after we sin is wait for us with open arms. He doesn’t push us away. He doesn’t think less of us. He patiently waits. His only desire is that we begin again. He doesn’t want us wallowing in self-pity. He doesn’t desire that we stay down in frustration. Yes, healthy guilt is good; but despair is to be rejected.

What does he say to us at those moments of failure: “My child, I’m your Savior. I died because I love you. Don’t stay down. Begin again. Return to me, and do it very quickly. Right now. You don’t have to wait. No matter what you’ve done, I can forgive you. Return to my embrace.”

The Exultet is the ancient hymn that is sung at the Easter Vigil. Each year I’m nearly moved to tears as I listen to the words of this hymn. But there are two verses in particular that touch my heart very deeply: “What good would life have been to us had Christ not come as our Redeemer?” Then another verse follows: “O happy fault. O necessary sin of Adam, which gained for us so great a Redeemer.”

Why do we say that Adam’s sin was a happy fault? A necessary sin? Because God took a great evil—Original Sin—and turned it in to the greatest good: sin is the reason He came to save us in the Person of Jesus Christ. In other words, if Adam hadn’t sinned, we would never have known Jesus Christ as our Savior. We can thank God for Adam’s sin because now we know Jesus. In a similar way, we can thank him for our weaknesses because they enable us to know His love and mercy in a deeper way.

The truth is that when you fail it’s an opportunity for you to acknowledge that Jesus died for you—personally. He’s your Savior.

One failure doesn’t mean that we’re complete failures. Even many failures do not mean that we’re complete failures. We can regain forward momentum. Jesus gained for us the strength to keep going when He carried His Cross up Calvary. He fell, but He kept going. By staying close to Him, He gives us the grace to keep going. He wants us to keep going.

So what should you do the next time you fail?
• Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, pray: “Lord, thank you for loving me at every moment, particularly in moments of weakness. With Your help I will begin again, right now. I’m sorry, Lord. I know You forgive me.”
• Don’t let frustration fester because you gave into weakness; instead, ask the Lord prayerfully: What do You want to teach me? How can I learn from this so that I’m better prepared next time to avoid this fall?
• Don’t engage in the negative self-talk that follows failure and sin; instead, pray in the following way: “Lord, thank you for letting me experience my weakness. Because of this fall, I can understand more deeply that Your death on the Cross was for me. This sin just helps me to realize how much You love me.”
• Thank the Lord for the grace of humility. Sin teaches us to acknowledge that we are completely dependent on the Lord and His grace and mercy.

“Don’t think anymore about your fall.  Besides overwhelming and crushing you under its weight, that recollection may easily be an occassion of future temptation.  Christ has forgiven you!  Forget the “old man”–your former self.” — St. Josemaria Escriva

So what about you? How do you deal with sins and failings? Feel free to comment.

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My first assignment was at St. Philip’s parish in Greenville, RI.  St. Philip’s is a vibrant parish comprised of about 3000 families with a large school to boot.  It was a wonderful place for a new priest.

One of the great blessings was ministering to the many youth in the parish.  I remember one email exchange I had with a high school student who was very involved in our youth group. She took her faith seriously and she wanted to grow in her relationship with the Lord.  Her email to me was simple: I want to spend more time in prayer and deepen my relationship with God, but I’m not quite sure how to pray.  Can you give me advice?

Maybe you find yourself in the same position as that girl—now a wonderful young woman whose wedding I’ll be doing in May.  You want to grow in your relationship with the Lord, but your not sure how to enter into deeper prayer. When you go to pray your mind is filled with distractions.  So you sit there and fidget.

Your questions may be similar to hers: How can I have an intimate relationship with God?  How should I pray?  What should I say?

I’d like to suggest how you should begin your prayer, for the way you begin your prayer sets the tone for how the rest of your prayer will unfold. The one mistake that many of us make when we pray is that we begin by focusing on ourselves: my intentions, my needs, my feelings.  If we really want to enter into a deeper friendship with the Lord then we must begin by focusing on Him.  The starting point of prayer is becoming deeply aware of God’s personal love, plain and simple.

So here’s a good way to begin your prayer:

• Find a quiet place where you won’t be distracted
• Sit in a relaxed posture (although not so relaxed that you’ll fall asleep) and close your eyes
• Take a few deep breaths and then breath normally
• Let these first moments be focused on becoming aware of God’s loving presence, nothing else: picture the loving eyes of Jesus gazing upon you.  Take as long as you need to become of aware of His loving presence.
• Once you are aware of God’s loving presence, speak to Him about His love. Here’s what I was moved to write. Feel free to use it for your own prayer, but eventually you should speak to the Lord in your own words:

Lord, I know that You are here with me.  I know that You have called me here.  I wouldn’t even have the desire to pray if You didn’t put it on my heart.  You have drawn me to this sacred moment because you desire that I be close to You.  You have spoken to my heart, and now I come to listen.

As I begin this time of prayer, help me to know how much You love me.  I know that Your heart and Your arms are open, ready to embrace me.  You don’t look at my sins and failings.  You don’t look upon me in judgment.  You look upon me with love: infinite, unconditional love.  You want me to be very close to You.

Lord, sometimes it’s hard for me to admit, but You really do love me. In fact, the more deeply I become aware of Your love for me, the more I see that I am truly lovable.  You desire to be in an intimate friendship with me.  How amazing!

Please let this time of prayer simply be a time of letting myself be loved by You.  That’s the deepest desire of my heart, Lord, just to know Your personal love for me.  Nothing else matters at this moment.  Clear my mind and heart of all distractions and fill my heart with Your love.

Thank you so much for loving me Lord.  My past is gone; my future is not here.  We simply have this moment together, and so I give myself entirely to You in this moment.  I sit in silence Lord.  Now I will just let myself be loved by You, and I will listen to You speak to my heart.

Once you have begun your prayer in this way, it’s a matter of sitting with the Lord and letting Him love you.  So now go do it.  He’s waiting for you!

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Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which begins the season of Lent.  Lent is a time of great grace, a time a spiritual renewal.  Traditionally there are three main components to Lent: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.  So, here are 25 ways to live the Lenten season in a spirit of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.  There is no particular order to these 25 ways, and I don’t pretend that these are the best or most creative ways.  However, if you’re looking for some ideas, hopefully you will find one or two here.  I’d love to hear some ways that you are planning to enter into the spirit of Lent, so please feel free to leave a comment.  Your comments may be helpful to the readers of this blog as well.

Without further adieu, here are 25 way to live the Lenten season.

1)   Read a little Scripture (maybe choose one of the Gospels)

2)   Read a spiritual book for ten minutes

3)   Spend ten extra minutes in silence

4)   Pray the rosary

5)   Pray the Way of the Cross

6)   Stop by a church for five minutes on your way to/from work (if possible)

7)   Go to daily Mass or try to go once or twice during the week besides Sunday

8)   Put aside $1-$2 a day and give it to charity at the end of Lent (consider giving to Haiti if you haven’t done so)

9)   Give up desserts

10)  Give up unhealthy snacks

11)   Give up alcohol

12)   Give up or cut down on coffee or tea

13)    Give up bread

14)    Wake up earlier than usual (get up as soon as the alarm goes off)

15)    Go to bed earlier than usual

16)    Give up or spend less time on the Internet, especially facebook, twitter, and other social networking sites

17)    Give up or cut down on Television

18)    Don’t listen to the radio while you drive; use the silent time for prayer

19)    Cut down on the number of times a day you check email

20)    Fast on Fridays if your health allows for it (one meal or just bread and water)

21)     Call a friend or family member each day—or a few times during the week— to see how they’re doing

22)     Volunteer your time at a local soup kitchen, homeless shelter, or another place that is committed to serving the poor, addicted, or abused.

23)     Remain calm when driving

24)     Simplify your life: each week go through your closets and drawers and get rid of clothes and give them to the needy; each week get rid of books and find a place to give them away

25)     Begin and end your day on your knees

I pray that you have a blessed and holy Lenten season!

P.S. I’m leaving for Rome on Thursday to visit our three seminarians at the North American College.  Please know that I will pray for you.  I may not get a chance to post another article until after I return on the 24th.  I will try to tweet from Rome if possible.

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When I was a little boy I used to pick dandelions for my mother. I’d be running around the backyard and notice those bright, curious, little yellow weeds. Of course, at the time, I didn’t know they were weeds; I thought they were flowers. I knew that giving flowers was a sign of love, and I knew that I loved my mom, so in my little world dandelions made perfect sense. I’d walk into the house and proudly announce, “Mommy, I picked you a flower!” With a bright smile she would say a huge thank you, give me a hug, and then put the dandelion in a little glass of water and place it on the windowsill above the kitchen sink.

My mother didn’t care that I gave her weeds. Really, would any mother? She was simply overjoyed at the little act of love that her son offered her. It really wasn’t about the dandelion; it was about the son doing his best to show his mom that he loved her. And isn’t that enough to lift a mother’s spirits, to touch a mother’s heart?

I don’t pick dandelions for my mom anymore; I do send her roses on her birthday. But when it comes to my spiritual life, there are many days when I feel that the only thing I’m offering to the Lord are dandelions. Have you ever had a day like that? A day where your prayer might be something like this: “Lord, I’m having a hard time seeing any good that I did today. In fact, I feel like I screwed up more than anything else. Yes, there was one little moment when I offered a prayer for my hurting friend, but that’s about it. Oh, and there was one moment when I came out of my self-absorption and spoke a word of encouragement to my co-worker. But I feel like these are insignificant compared to what I should be doing for You.”

But we ought not underestimate the power and significance of those dandelion moments. As we do our best to love in the little and seemingly insignificant events of our day, the Lord accepts our love with joy—like my mom accepted those dandelions. It’s those little moments of love that expand our capacity to love. He receives those dandelions with great joy. He doesn’t reject what we offer Him, even if we think it’s insignificant.

I love the gospel story of the little boy with five loaves and two fish (See John 6:9). There’s no way a crowd of five thousand can be fed with five loaves and two fish. But that little boy, out of the goodness of his heart, gave what he had to Jesus. And what did Jesus do? He didn’t laugh at the boy and tell him that he was silly to think that his five loaves and two fish could make a difference. No, He received the five loaves and two fish and multiplied them to feed the five thousand.

It’s a great lesson for us. Some days we feel that we haven’t done much good and that we have very little to offer to Jesus. But offer it we must! Because He does with our offering what He did with the little boy’s: He takes it and multiplies it.

I don’t know if it’s true, but I once heard that Pope John Paul II at the end of the day would often pray: “Lord, forgive the bad; multiply the good.” That’s a great way for us to end our days. “Lord, forgive the bad that I’ve done; but please multiply any good that I’ve done—even if the good is only equivalent to a dandelion.”

So how does this translate into your own prayer and spiritual life?

• Today, focus on the good that you’ve done rather than the screw-ups. Our tendency is to focus on what we’ve done wrong rather than what we’ve done right.
• Take some time to identify those dandelion moments and thank the Lord for giving you the grace to respond to his prompting. You may have not changed the world today but you may have touched someone’s heart in an unexpected way.
• Today, focus on doing little things with great love. Just for today, stop pressuring yourself to achieve huge goals and allow yourself to be like the little child who gives dandelions to his mom.

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On this Saturday morning, I wanted to share an inspirational story with you.  For the last few years, my dear friends, Scott and Kim King, have experienced every parents worst nightmare: their daughter Macey was diagnosed with cancer over three years ago. Macey is now ten and, thank God, is cancer free.  She has relapsed twice, but we are all hopeful that the Lord will keep her cancer free.

Her story is one of suffering and inspiration.  She is a heroic, faith-filled little girl, and Scott and Kim’s faith, although tested, has been nothing short of remarkable.  They have a beautiful family (Macey is the only girl, but she has four brothers who love her dearly!). (See picture below).

If you have a chance, please watch this 6-minute video narrated by Macey’s mom, Kim.  It really highlights the importance of faith when dealing with life’s difficulties.

Please continue to pray for Macey and the King family, and for all people–especially children–suffering from cancer.

On Tuesday morning I drove 2 ½ hours to southern Maine to join four of my brother priests for an extended day away.  Normally, if I do get away for an overnight, I drive home to Westerly to visit with my family and to have a little downtime.  I have my Friday routine: breakfast at the Cooked Goose restaurant followed by a little time in front of their fireplace; lunch with mom on her break from work (or an afternoon of golf in the warm weather); and an afternoon cup of coffee at Perks and Corks cafe where I’ll generally do some reading and writing.

The home in Maine provided a picture perfect setting.  My friend, Fr. Matt, is blessed to have some very generous friends with spectacular beachfront property who let us use their summer home.  We spent most of our time in the sitting-room overlooking the ocean.  In the afternoon we went out for some New England clam chowder (or “chowda” as we say), and then went to the local Hannaford’s to buy food for our evening dinner.

When evening came we enjoyed a cocktail and some great conversation.  (Okay…it was actually late afternoon and we had a couple of cocktails.  But I digress).  We cooked a nice meal, sat around the dinner table for a few hours sharing more spiritual conversation, and enjoyed some uncontrollable laughter—the I-can’t-breath-tears-are-streaming-from-my-eyes kind of laughter.  Even as I write this I am smiling thinking about the joy that we were experiencing.

Friendship is good; but spiritual friendship is a profound grace.  I’m sure we’re all blessed to have good friends that we associate with once in a while or even regularly; but it’s a rare find when you have a small group of friends that you can share with on the deepest level: a level that blows superficiality out of the water; a level that is profoundly spiritual; a level where you can talk about your deepest joys and most intense struggles; a level where you’re accepted unconditionally.  That’s an amazing grace.

This kind of friendship is rooted in Christ.  The one thing that my priest-friends and I have in common, the one thing that unites us, is that each of us knows what it is to live in friendship with Jesus.  We know the joys and struggles, the triumphs and the failures, and we’re able to share these with one another.  We’re able to listen to one another, to challenge one another, to encourage one another, and to pray with one another.

On Wednesday morning, before I left, we celebrated Mass in that room overlooking the ocean.  For a brief moment the shore of Maine became the shore of Galilee, and Jesus once again called together a band of brothers and then sent them out on mission.  United in the Eucharist, our bond with Christ and with one another was strengthened.  Those are the moments that you wish could last forever.  Those are the moments that I believe are a foreshadowing of the fellowship and joy we will experience in Heaven.

I left renewed, and drove home grateful for the gift of spiritual friendship.

Living in holiness is joyful but can be difficult at times.  It’s even more difficult if you don’t have friends that you can share with on a deep level.  You can’t force this kind of friendship.  It has to unfold naturally—or I should say supernaturally.

I hope and pray that each of you is blessed with at least one spiritual friend that you can share your heart with.  If not, pray that the Lord will send one person or a group of people into your life that will challenge and encourage you to live in holiness.  If you are blessed to have spiritual friendships, then thank the Lord for this great gift that He has given to you.

Can’t we all relate to these words?  How true that we need God’s help to accept so many of the things we cannot change and courage to change so many of the things we can; and we certainly need His wisdom to know the difference so that we don’t spend our days in constant frustration.  But did you know that there is a second part to this beautiful prayer that is essential to living the first part?

“Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life 
and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.”

This seldom-quoted second part really contains the ingredients to living the first part well.  For we are more serene when we live one day at a time and enjoy one moment at a time; we are more serene when we calmly accept things as they are, not as we would have them; we are more serene when we trust that He will make all things right if we surrender to His will; and we are more serene when we realize that our ultimate happiness is not to be found in this world but in Heaven.

Serenity.  Peace.  Each of us longs for these gifts.  The wisdom of the Serenity Prayer is that it puts our longing into words and shows us a way to Serenity: living, enjoying, accepting, trusting, surrendering.

Do you desire serenity?  Then

• Live today mindful of His loving presence and the many gifts He will give you.  Yesterday is gone; tomorrow is not here;

• Enjoy each moment today, realizing that the Lord will use every experience—good and bad—to teach you how to live more abundantly;

• Accept inevitable hardships, not as something to make you bitter, but as a pathway to peace.  See hardships as the sandpaper that smoothens the roughness of your life;

• Accept this world as it is.  No, not as an excuse to forget working for change in your life or in the world, but as a starting point for change;

• Trust that “all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28);

• Surrender to His loving care for you.

So now you know the whole Serenity Prayer, and now the challenge is to live it.

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You need not have a serious addiction to benefit from the 12-Step program.  We all have Goliaths in our lives: things that keep us down, that we feel are too big to be defeated.  So what does this biblical story (1 Samuel 17) teach us about defeating the Goliath in our lives?

The young and fearless David is determined to fight the experienced Philistine warrior, Goliath.  Saul admonishes David that he’s too young to fight Goliath; but David is confident that the Lord will give him the strength for victory.  David says to Goliath: “You come against me with sword and spear and scimitar, but I come against you in the name of the LORD of hosts…For the battle is the Lord’s, and he shall deliver you into our hands.”

We know the end of the story.  David strikes Goliath in the head with a stone from his sling.  Goliath drops, and then David cuts off his head.

The first step in the 12-Step program is: “We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives had become unmanageable.”  The second step: “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”  Isn’t that what David did?  He never claimed he was going to take out Goliath by his own power.  David made it clear that the Lord was going to be the one to win the victory.  David wasn’t relying on willpower; he was relying on the Lord.

Sometimes we try to fight our Goliath with will power.  That doesn’t work.  It’s humbling, but we must admit we are powerless over it, whatever “it” is.  We must believe what David believed: “The battle is the Lord’s.”  This is why the third step in the 12-Step program is so important: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”

So, what is your Goliath?  Is it a particular sin or habit?  Is it an addiction?  Is it a memory?  Is it a thought pattern?  Is it a situation or problem in your life?

It’s important to name your Goliath.  Honesty is really important.  Find someone you can confide in and name it.  You see, if we live in fear of our Goliath we empower it; but if we name it, if we look it in the face, we begin to experience freedom.

Make a decision to let go and let the Lord fight your battles.  I know, it seems counterintuitive: when we face a giant we feel we need to fight or flee; but in our lives with the Lord we do neither.  We surrender to God and let him fight for us.  He takes care of us (step 3).  And if we let him, he will slay our Goliath.

It’s okay to give up.  No.  I don’t mean to give in to despair or to give in to your addiction or bad habit.  I’m simply saying it’s okay to give up the battle and to tell the Lord that you can’t fight anymore, that you’re tired, that He has to do it for you.  To overcome sin, addictions, bad habits, or any other situation in our lives, we must throw willpower out the window.  The only decision we need to make with our will is to surrender to the Lord and let Him take over.

Don’t be afraid of your Goliath.  Look at it.  Name it.  Admit that you can’t defeat it.  And then surrender your life and will to the Lord.  Let him take care of it for you.  He wants to take it from you.  Afterall, it’s His job.

P.S.  Thanks for your awesome feedback and great comments on my last post!  I am donating $115 to Catholic Relief Services in addition to what I’ve already given.  I hope you will donate if you haven’t already.

P.P.S.  I have made the crazy leap into Twitter world.  You can follow me here.