Stop Judging Yourself

Sometimes I get frustrated with myself.  I get impatient with my imperfections.  I get upset at how I can be so focused on the Lord and spiritual living for an extended period of time and then, it seems, in an instant I can slide back into old habits.

So often I take two steps forward and three steps back.  I frequently think of St. Paul’s words: “What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate” (Romans 7:15).

But a couple of weeks ago I was sitting in quiet prayer and the Lord spoke to my heart: “Stop judging yourself and live.”

Interesting, I thought.  I wrote those words in my journal, but I didn’t completely understand them…until I recently had one of my two-steps-foward-three-steps-back moments. Read more »

Climbing the Mountain

“Moving on from there Jesus walked by the Sea of Galilee, went up on the mountain, and sat down there.  Great crowds came to him, having with them the lame, the blind, the deformed, the mute, and many others. They placed them at his feet, and he cured them” (Matthew 15:29-30)

Was Jesus being insensitive?  I mean, not only does He climb a mountain in order to teach, but He knows that many of the people following Him are blind, lame, and crippled.  It’s difficult enough to climb a mountain when you’re healthy, let alone when you’re crippled!  What was Jesus thinking?

The gospel scene which recounts Jesus feeding the four thousand is a profound lesson for us with regard to the call to holiness.  You see, Jesus could have remained on a level plain and not made the people follow him up the mountain; but Jesus wanted to teach them–and us–some very important lessons:

1) We should never be content with remaining at the same level in the spiritual life.  Jesus is always inviting us to new heights of holiness.  This is why He ascends the mountain.  He desires to bring to a new level of holiness all those who feel unable to ascend the mountain because of their weaknesses and sin.  We may not be physically blind or crippled, but each of us has areas of spiritual blindness, each of us can be spiritually crippled at times.  Regardless of our faults, Jesus is always inviting us to go deeper (or higher!).

2) It is only by following Jesus up the mountain that we are able to experience true healing.  It’s no coincidence that Jesus first had the people ascend the mountain and then he healed them.  Sometimes in our lives we need to allow the Lord to bring us through extreme spiritual discomfort (a mountain) so we can experience healing.  A perfect example is when we are dealing with an area of spiritual darkness that we have not yet relinquished: unforgiveness in our hearts; a sin that has gone unrepented; a character defect that we refuse to work on.  It is only when we bring this darkness into the light, when we experience the discomfort of being completely transparent and acknowledging our weakness, that we are able to experience God’s healing.  Ascending the mountain is uncomfortable, but it’s precisely in that discomfort that we experience Christ’s healing.

During this Advent season, Christ invites us to new heights of holiness.  Don’t run away from your discomfort; embrace it and ascend the mountain with the Lord.  Then, and only then, will you experience His healing.

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Unanswered Prayer?

“Why doesn’t God answer my prayer?”  Let’s be honest: most of us have probably had this thought; many of us have probably even expressed it vocally.  Why are there times when it seems that God is distant, that He just doesn’t seem to hear my request, that He doesn’t answer?  Well, the truth is that God answers every single one of our prayers, but there are different answers He gives: yes, no, and wait.

Jesus taught his disciples about prayer and the need to be persistent in its practice.  But what is prayer?  Too often people equate prayer with simply asking God for favors.  Yes, this is part of it; but prayer is primarily about love.  Prayer is not about “getting our way” with God; it’s not about telling Him our needs; prayer is about coming to know the Lord more deeply and allowing our will to be conformed more perfectly to His.  Prayer is about conversation with Jesus, our best friend.  It’s about being with Him, not so much talking as much as coming to know Him and love Him more.

If we look at prayer from this perspective we can understand why God answers our prayers the way he does.  If we understand that prayer is about coming to know and love Jesus more, then we understand that the Lord only desires what is good for us, what will make us holy, and ultimately what will lead us to Heaven.

And so sometimes the Lord says “yes” to our prayer.  He says yes because He knows that it will help us to be holy.  Sometimes the Lord says “no” to our prayer.  This is more difficult to understand, especially, for example, when we are praying for someone to be healed of a sickness and that person dies.  We can’t pretend to understand exactly why the Lord allows such things, but we do believe that, if we allow Him, the Lord will bring good out of bad.  Finally, sometimes the Lord tells us to “wait.”  Why?  Because God knows us intimately.  He knows at what point in our lives we need particular graces.  He knows the Master Plan, and if we are willing to be taken up into that plan we will be at peace when God tells us to wait.

Jesus still wants us to be persistent in our prayer though because persistence leads us to a deeper understanding of the Divine Will.  Persistence in prayer leads us to know the Lord more intimately, to love Him more deeply, and to serve Him more fervently.  The greatest example of persistence in prayer is Jesus himself.

Recall when Jesus experienced his agony in the Garden of Gethsemane.  What did He pray?  “Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me.  Not my will but your will be done.”  He prayed this three times.  He was persistent with His Father.  But because He ended His prayer with “not my will but your will be done,” His persistence led Him to embrace the Divine Will.  In other words, the Father said, “My Son, I know that in your human nature you are afraid and hesitant, but it is my will that you offer this sacrifice for salvation of the world.”

Our prayer must be modeled on the prayer of Jesus.  We should always end our prayer with the words, “Not my will but your will be done.”  This transforms our prayer from simply wanting something from the Lord to openness to His love and embracing the Divine Will.  Yes, we should ask the Lord, we should seek the Lord, we should “knock” when we pray, but always remembering that, as our Father, He loves us and knows what is good for us.  Our role in prayer is to be like Mary: humbly receptive to his will, knowing it’s for our holiness and salvation.

P.S. I apologize for my absence from the blogosphere!  I’ve been getting used to a somewhat new and busier schedule.  I’ll try to post more frequently.

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How to Deal with Disappointment

On Monday evening, our priest-seminarian basketball team played its first game against St. Patrick Academy students and alumni.  It was a great event and quite an intense matchup.  Both teams fought to the finish, with the “Padres” (that would be us) prevailing by one point.

Although I missed many more shots than I made, I still contributed six points.  I grew up playing basketball, so it was easy for me to get into the competitive spirit of the game; and that spirit really roared with one minute left.  The ball was loose and I started to chase it.  My Jack Bauer mentality kicked in as I tried to outrace a 14 year-old to the ball: Who does this kid think he is?  Surely this 36 year-old can out run him!

Then it happened.  As I dove for the ball I felt a POP!  And then pain. I immediately winced and grabbed my left hamstring.  For a moment I thought it might just be a cramp, so I tried a slow trot.  No good.  It was a pulled hamstring.  I was done.  Dejected, I limped off the court.  The first thought that came to mind was, I can’t believe I’m not going to be able to run that half marathon.

I had been training for the Hartford half marathon to take place on October 9, and I knew immediately that the injury would take at least a couple of weeks to heal.  I had just run eleven miles on Sunday and was feeling more and more confident about the race.  Running a half marathon has been a personal goal for quite a while, but now that goal is going to have to be put on hold as my hamstring heals.

Yes, I was frustrated and disappointed; but in the grand scheme of things, it’s really not a big deal.  In a few weeks–hopefully–I’ll be back to running, and there’ll be more half marathons in the future.  I could have made a big deal out of it and really let my frustration get the best of me.  But is it worth it to get frustrated over things that we can’t control?

So, here are a few effective ways that I believe we can deal with disappointment:
1) Ponder the blessings in your life.  There are so many people with problems much bigger than a pulled hamstring.  I think, for example, about two young people I know who are dealing with the reality that a parent has cancer; or the 14 year old girl I know who just had a brain tumor removed.  When we experience a setback in life, we can take time to think about the blessings that we have and the fact that many people are suffering more than we are.

2) Believe that God’s plan is better than your plan.  I don’t know why the Lord allowed me to pull my hamstring, except maybe to teach me that I’m not as young and agile as I used to be.  But I do believe there’s a reason for everything.  There’s a reason I’m not supposed to run that half marathon.  I may never know what it is, but I trust that God’s plan is better than mine.

3) Keep going! When we experience disappointment, we need to make sure we keep moving forward.  Things are going to happen that we can’t control, but we can’t let those things keep us down.  Think of Jesus on the road to Calvary.  He fell many times, but he kept getting up out love for us.  Stay united to Him, and He will help you to keep moving forward.

How do you deal with disappointment?  Feel free to share your insights.

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Lessons Learned from My First 10-Miler

I ran my first 10-mile race on Friday and it was a phenomenally exhilarating experience.  There were almost three thousand people who raced, and the atmosphere was both festive and electric.  Many runners were there with family and friends; I actually went by myself, but was so impressed by the kindness of the runners.  I [...]

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She Preached Without Words

“Preach the Gospel; if necessary, use words” (attributed to St. Francis of Assisi) It was an unexpected, deeply moving, spiritual moment.  That’s how the Lord often works, isn’t it?  He surprises us, teaching us a lesson when we least expect it. I was Master of Ceremonies for Bishop Tobin at a Confirmation last Thursday evening.  [...]

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Beginning Again

I had missed my tenth shot in a row and I was deeply frustrated.  I simply couldn’t do it.  As much as I tried, I couldn’t put the ball in the basket with my left hand.  After all, I’m right-handed, and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why my father was putting me [...]

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Here’s Some Inspiration to Keep You Going!

In our walk with the Lord, we often fall.  We sin every day.  I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get discouraged by my own weaknesses.  However, the Lord wants us to keep going.  His desire is that we begin again and again.  He wants us to focus on His love, not on our [...]

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