“For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10)
I have a confession to make: for years I’ve been a secret Pelagian.
If you haven’t studied Church history or don’t know much about the early Christian heresies, Pelagius was a 5th century monk who denied the doctrine of original sin and the need for God’s grace to live a holy life. Basically, he believed that we can get to Heaven without God’s help. This is known as Pelgianism.
They say the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Well, I admit that even though I often talk a good game about surrender, there’s still a deep part of me that isn’t surrendered. There’s that part of me that wants to fix myself. There’s that part of me that’s too proud to admit that I need God’s help to live a virtuous life. I want to control my life.
Yet, when I take a reflective step back, I must admit that this desire to fix myself and to control my life has led to great frustration and even sadness at times. Why else would I peruse the self-help section every time I’m in Barnes and Noble, or why else would I spend time reading personal development blogs if I didn’t want to fix myself?
Now, I admit that I have benefitted from many “self-help” books and personal development blogs; however, the subtlety behind this pursuit of self-help is that I’m in control, that I can fix myself.
But the truth is I can’t fix myself; and you can’t fix yourself either. Yes, we are good; but we are broken. None of us is perfect; each of us experiences the effects of original sin. I’m not saying that we should abdicate responsibility for our lives; what I’m saying is that there’s a reason why we call Jesus “Savior.”
How often people say to me, “Father, every time I go to confession I sound like a broken record. I feel like I confess the same sins over and over.” Well, join the human race. I’m a broken record too.
When we try to fix ourselves we render the word “Savior” meaningless. Jesus Christ is our Savior. He came to save us from the sins that we struggle with every day. He came to save us from ourselves.
I’m coming to see more clearly that each time I attempt to fix myself or to control my life, I empty the cross of its power (see 1 Corinthians 1:17). When I realize I can’t fix myself, that there are some things that are just too big for me to overcome on my own power, that’s when I realize the power of the cross and God’s grace.
I realize that this is contrary to the do-it-yourself mentality that is so prevalent in our culture. But, if you haven’t noticed, our culture is pretty broken as well.
I need a Savior. It’s so liberating to say that. I need a Savior. I need Jesus. I can’t fix myself…and it’s okay. That’s why Jesus died for me. I just need to learn to be still, to surrender, and to let Him love me, so that I can experience the power of His cross.
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I admit it too, I am a pelagian. In fact just recently when reflecting on where to go with my life I refered to it as a giant game of pick up sticks, I was unsure which one to pick up with the least amount of disturbance of the rest of my life. Job, school, family, living arrangements, etc. it all seemed like complete chaos and I was overwhelmed. That is until a friend asked me, “What is God telling you to do?” Same question I am asked a million times (especially by him) and I had to once again admit I didn’t think to ask, I thought I had to figure it out on my own. So, finally I took it to God and He told me the most amazing thing, “It wasn’t chaos at all, it was all His perfect plan, and just because I couldn’t see how all the pieces fit together didn’t mean I should “DO” anything to try to “fix” things.” So now I am doing my best to walk away from the “self help” attitude, once again, and get the “God help” I need, even though I am sure I am going to be getting this same advice very soon, looking at it with the same wonder at why I didn’t think of that. Will keep praying for you always and know you will for me. God bless Fr. Mike.
Christine,
I like that: walking away from self-help to “God-help.” His plan is perfect, indeed!
I think I must be a broken record too, Michael, because what you go through is exactly the kind of thing I go through on a daily basis. I know better, but I go ahead and beat myself up anyway. We say we want a saviour and then seek to make him redundant with our every thought and move. Strange, isn’t it?
Tony,
I’ve learned–or am still learning–that beating myself up is not always the best way to experience growth in my life! Sometimes I think the Lord is more gentle with us than we our with ourselves. Thanks, as always, for reading and commenting…
But, at least you have the initiative to fix what is broken! Sad is knowing that there is a problem and not wanting to fix it, or not even caring to fix it. However, God is the best “fixer upper” around!
Michelle,
True. But even the initiative we take to fix what is broken is prompted by His grace! It’s a great mystery. But you’re right, He is the best “fixer-upper.”
After reading this post- in which I see so much of myself- I came across this relevant quote while reading, under the heading “Turning From the Ways You’ve Sought to Save Yourself”:
” To do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do- to grit your teeth and clench you fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst- is, by the very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed.
- Author John Eldredge
Thank you Fr. for your honesty and witness! God bless you!
Wait a minute – I’m confused.
If I was overweight, would it be Pelegianic of me to take matters into my own hands and apply the latest trends in dieting and cardio exercise? I don’t intend to be snarky, but prayer and meditation on the passion of Christ won’t shed pounds, right? I guess my point is, what’s the difference between the physical and the mental when it comes to self-help?
Is it somehow wrong to explore self-help when it comes to treating shyness, or learning how to speak in public, or overcoming other phobias, or trying to live with a shameful past? If so, where is the line drawn? Self-help has been around for at least fifty years now in many variations. You have the New Age and gnostics, the psychologists and the pop psychologists, the businessmen like Stephen Covey, the prosperity gospel hawkers, and the practical advisors like Dale Carnegie. You might even include Billy Graham and Norman Vincent Peale in there. Should all this be discarded solely for intense Bible study and prayer?
I’m reminded of that joke/parable about the flood victim on the roof of his house. A rowboat comes by, and he says, “I’m waiting on the Lord!” Then a police boat comes by and the man says, “God will save me!” Finally, a helicopter hovers overhead and the man affirms, “The Lord will rescue me!” The man drowns, meets God in heaven, and says, “Why didn’t you save me?” Exasperated, God says, “I sent a rowboat, a police boat, a helicopter …”
To what extent are these books “sent” to us by God, and to what extent are we to “help ourselves”?