“So you’ve failed? You–be convinced of it–can never fail. You haven’t failed; you’ve acquired experience. Forward!” — St. Josemaria Escriva
It’s a horrible feeling. You’ve just had a big fall:
• You abandoned your Lenten resolution.
• You lashed out in anger at your spouse.
• You became apoplectic as you sat in a traffic jam, dropping f-bombs like there’s no tomorrow.
• You committed what you consider to be a serious sin against your state in life.
• You fell off the wagon.
You’ve failed. You feel defeated. And now that voice in your head is telling you that you’re no good, that you’ll never be good, that as hard as you try you will never change those bad habits and sins that have plagued you for what seems like your whole life.
And what has just happened is that you’ve played into the devil’s hands: You’ve become more deeply immersed in yourself; you’re naval-gazing; and you’ve completely forgotten that there’s a reason why you call Jesus Christ your SAVIOR.
From what does He save us? Precisely from ourselves!
The temptation for so many of us after we fail is to wallow in shame and despair. But is this what God wants?
Have you ever asked yourself what Jesus does after you sin? What is the disposition of His Heart towards you? What is He thinking? Do you really believe that Jesus is saying, “Well…Jane just flipped out on her husband. She’s so pathetic. I’ve tried to help her but she just doesn’t get it. I’m just going to give up on her. She’s pushed me beyond my limit.”
Here’s the truth: the only thing Jesus does after we sin is wait for us with open arms. He doesn’t push us away. He doesn’t think less of us. He patiently waits. His only desire is that we begin again. He doesn’t want us wallowing in self-pity. He doesn’t desire that we stay down in frustration. Yes, healthy guilt is good; but despair is to be rejected.
What does he say to us at those moments of failure: “My child, I’m your Savior. I died because I love you. Don’t stay down. Begin again. Return to me, and do it very quickly. Right now. You don’t have to wait. No matter what you’ve done, I can forgive you. Return to my embrace.”
The Exultet is the ancient hymn that is sung at the Easter Vigil. Each year I’m nearly moved to tears as I listen to the words of this hymn. But there are two verses in particular that touch my heart very deeply: “What good would life have been to us had Christ not come as our Redeemer?” Then another verse follows: “O happy fault. O necessary sin of Adam, which gained for us so great a Redeemer.”
Why do we say that Adam’s sin was a happy fault? A necessary sin? Because God took a great evil—Original Sin—and turned it in to the greatest good: sin is the reason He came to save us in the Person of Jesus Christ. In other words, if Adam hadn’t sinned, we would never have known Jesus Christ as our Savior. We can thank God for Adam’s sin because now we know Jesus. In a similar way, we can thank him for our weaknesses because they enable us to know His love and mercy in a deeper way.
The truth is that when you fail it’s an opportunity for you to acknowledge that Jesus died for you—personally. He’s your Savior.
One failure doesn’t mean that we’re complete failures. Even many failures do not mean that we’re complete failures. We can regain forward momentum. Jesus gained for us the strength to keep going when He carried His Cross up Calvary. He fell, but He kept going. By staying close to Him, He gives us the grace to keep going. He wants us to keep going.
So what should you do the next time you fail?
• Don’t beat yourself up. Instead, pray: “Lord, thank you for loving me at every moment, particularly in moments of weakness. With Your help I will begin again, right now. I’m sorry, Lord. I know You forgive me.”
• Don’t let frustration fester because you gave into weakness; instead, ask the Lord prayerfully: What do You want to teach me? How can I learn from this so that I’m better prepared next time to avoid this fall?
• Don’t engage in the negative self-talk that follows failure and sin; instead, pray in the following way: “Lord, thank you for letting me experience my weakness. Because of this fall, I can understand more deeply that Your death on the Cross was for me. This sin just helps me to realize how much You love me.”
• Thank the Lord for the grace of humility. Sin teaches us to acknowledge that we are completely dependent on the Lord and His grace and mercy.
“Don’t think anymore about your fall. Besides overwhelming and crushing you under its weight, that recollection may easily be an occassion of future temptation. Christ has forgiven you! Forget the “old man”–your former self.” — St. Josemaria Escriva
So what about you? How do you deal with sins and failings? Feel free to comment.
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Thank you soooo much for writing this blog. I have been looking for answers regarding this matter. I feel depressed very often and end up talking to myself negatively. I was told to give everything to GOD, but I still had these negative feelings, and could not get rid of them. Was even thinking of going to see psychologist. But now, I feel I have AT LAST the answers and questions I need to talk to Jesus about.
Thank you! GOD BLESS! Janice
Janice,
You feel depressed precisely because you talk to yourself negatively. My point in this post was to help us to remember that the Lord does not speak to us in that way. He only encourages us. Discouragement is not from the Holy Spirit.
I’m happy you found this post helpful. The Lord is very close to you. He will continue to help you. Be assured of my prayers.
Peace!
Good post. I especially appreciate the distinction between guilt and despair. Where’d you find the pic?
Thanks for your feedback. I usually just do a google image search for the picture. So that’s where I found it.
Peace!
All I can say is that it is such a treasure to have the Sacrament of Confession, or as I once referred to it, the Sacrament of Joy!!
Michelle,
Amen to that! Confession is such a beautiful and liberating sacrament.
Peace!
Sent from my iPhone
Fr. Mike,
Thanks for another awesome post! In dealing with my human weaknesses and failures, I have a tendency to ‘beat myself up,’ but I also have a deep trust that God’s love and mercy is greater than my sin. By virtue of Christ’s redemptive sacrifice on the Cross, nothing is beyond God’s forgiveness. We always have the opportunity to repent and tangibly receive that forgiveness in Reconciliation, no matter how hard we fall. As you point out, if we were all perfect, we wouldn’t need Jesus, our Savior and Redeemer… and that is indeed a cause for joy, not despair! At the same time, though, ‘healthy guilt’ (as you put it) can be a real grace, precisely because it leads to greater humility and helps us to realize anew that our dependence is on God, not on ourselves.
I’m reminded of Matthew 9, when Jesus said, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick… I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (12, 13). Amen!
Peace and blessings,
Lindsay
Thanks for your reflection Lindsay! You’re right: nothing is beyond God’s forgiveness. What a great grace!
Peace!
Thanks so much, Father for this sp;endid reflection. I tell my students: “Jesus thirsts for you. How will you respond to Him?” Your reflection is a wonderful way – to run into his open arms and give Him our failures. He dearly loves us!
Now, I would like to share this with my students – your reflection but how can I print it? Maybe you can tell them when you speak to them.
Thanks Sr. Mary Ann! It might be easiest just to copy and paste my article in a Word document.
See you soon!
I’m currently read Merton’s The Seven Storey Mountain. At one point, he admonishes readers to not waste time feeling shame for their sins, but to be grateful they have a merciful God to turn to for repentance. That’s something I try to hold on to.
Kelly,
Thanks for reading and thanks for that great insight from Merton.
Peace!
Great post. I love that quote by Escriva at the end. St. Francis deSales offers a lot of advice for those of us who struggle with this. My spiritual director loaned me a book by Joseph Tissot based on his writings, “How to Profit From Your Faults” that has been helpful.
Stephanie,
Sounds like a good book. I’ll have to check it out. Thanks for reading!
Peace!
I was beating myself over the sin I jus recently keep falling into. And its so diffcult to get back up and let go of our guilt and embrace His grace. A lot of it as to do with pride as well as shame. Thank you for this post. It reminded me to focus on God more than my failures. It encouarges me to know God is able to turn my many failures to His glory.
Hmmmm- I prefer to take personal responsibility when I’m not happy with myself for some reason. Personal responsibility for whatever it is and then also for changing it / myslef / etc. rather than relying on an external locus of control, such as ‘Jesus’ or ‘God.’
For me, it is more empowering and effective than any form of religiuos practice or belief I’ve ever encountered.